3. Significant increase in major depression reported during recent recession

Significant increase in major depression reported during recent recession

I grew up being belittled by my peers for several things I couldn't control, and it seriously screwed me up.

Me too, as well as being physically abused by my parents (my mother was mentally ill, but eventually got help by the time I reached middle school). Doing well in school seemed to please them, so that's what I did. I put everything into schoolwork. Graduated high school with honors, got a BA in English, then got an MS in Library and Information Science. All the while still living with my parents and working full time in a records management warehouse, until that conflicted with student teaching so I got a job working overnight in retail. I got my masters, became a certified teacher and public librarian, got a job at an elementary school, moved out, and finally felt like an adult. I was 27, finally living on my own, and working in my first job that didn't require a uniform.

It lasted from August '12 to June '13.

They didn't renew my contract, and I was unemployed from June '13 to November '14. Got a seasonal part-time retail job that lasted until January, was unemployed again until April 1st, and now push carts at Walmart. I still live on my own because I can't move back in with my parents - they sold the house and moved to a much smaller condo in a seniors community. So they've been paying my bills while I've fruitlessly tried to find a real job.

I hate myself. I hate everything about myself, and how I've ruined my own life as well as the lives of my parents. I can't afford my rent, they can't afford their HOA fees. I've been dealing with major depression since '08, but had to stop taking my medication because I lost insurance and couldn't pay out of pocket, and then got Medicaid but they refused to pay for it.

I'm sitting in the break room right now eating lunch with painful knees and ankles, dreading going back to work pushing carts all over for another four hours.

I tried to kill myself two weeks ago, but a friend called the police and they stopped me. I'll never forgive him.

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