I hope people realize this is not just about women either. My first 3-4 years at my job I basically begged for a raise every year it came up, trying to get more money like a scrub, telling them how much I need this job and money, full on beta. I've always been an alpha with women by my boss is a stern man who commands respect, and I gota admit, I'd be a bit on my toes in front of him.
After finding TRP I was convince to stop taking shit from everyone, not just women. And this next story validates exactly what you say:
The next time I asked for a raise I simply said with a smile on my face "Boss, I am looking to build a career. I appreciate the time you have given me here. My knowledge has brought me to another level of development skills. I am asking for a 20% raise because that's what I feel I should be getting paid at least. If we can't compromise, that's fine, I'm just letting you know I'm looking to start reaching my real career goals in the very near future and I wanted to know if it's going to be with this company or not. I'm not quitting, I'm just trying to figure out if this is a long term job for me, It's been a great ride so far, let me know."
It took a lot of balls to say and I gota admit I was shooken a bit... The KEY POINT is I was WILLING TO WALK AWAY if I got fired right then and there... I'm a wolf and I'll survive. I wasn't bluffing. I wasn't quitting but I was informing him I was going to be making changes to reach my career goals with or without his company.
But the response blew my mind. The dude gave me a 25% raise on the spot, 5% more than I asked for to "lock me down" (his words). Shook my hand and said I did terrific work. That was the end of it. Went back to my office in 5 minutes total.
Being ready to walk away gave me all the power in the relationship with my job. Before that they treated me, and paid me like a post grad schlub kid. Now nothings changed, I don't even have more work or responsibilities, I just got a on the spot 25% raise by being willing to walk away. Finally, the big boy bucks (to me anyways), all in a 9-5, allowing me to work on other projects after work.
KEY NOTE: I was NOT A DICK about any of it. totally professional and nice, not "mad" or anything.