Well what the fuck is my problem? I'm not quite sure. Everything seems quite bland and meaningless. Last time I felt like this for an extended period I went travelling with a friend in his car, which ended horribly. He turned out to be a psycho and now I'm afraid of what I'll do this time if it persists. They tell me I have a disorder which causes me to think excessively and also has other dubious symptoms which I spend a lot of time trying to use to make sense of my general problems. I also spend a lot of time thinking about what to do to improve my life. I left my ex partially because she couldn't stand when I was absent and I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere with my personal goals. Now I'm mostly just sitting around in my holiday, watching YouTube videos, masturbating 2-3 times a day and playing the occasional videogame, reading a little or playing chess and I'm still not getting anywhere. This feeling of inertia will end when I start school, but then my head will be filled with other problems, such as my discomfort around people. I miss my ex and I sort of want her back.

I'm 25 and nothing makes much sense.