Like you, competitive games were my entire life, and now I can barely play them before I want to uninstall. I just looked at the cycle I was constantly repeating: I had spent 6 years of my life grinding a rank on a videogame that is pretty much taking my life force and while yes, I enjoyed the grind and being competitive, imagine spending 1000 hours in any other skill, you become practically unstoppable. I started being aware of this cycle that I repeated every year of wanting to grind a competitive game, I realised how the competitive games always try to make us like we are not enough and we are always trying to be like that one streamer but it is never enough, I am telling you because I have a friend that currently is top 500 and it just never ends, the game is designed in a way where it always makes you lose even if you are pretty good. Skill-based matchmaking will always make you feel like you are not enough.

Every time you feel this “urge” of getting good at the game just remember it is not worth it, it is just the game trying to dominate you.