Jesus this hit home. I was with a girl from first year of uni for about 4 years-- in the beginning it was great, but then, like you, I was also young and immature and definitely didn't treat her well. I guess I didn't know I had to. We broke up after graduation for about 6 months but then got back together, but I think at that point it was just more because of a shared history and comfort more than anything else. She grew increasingly distant until she broke up with me. I'm also pretty sure she was cheating on me towards the end, but I was too self-centered to even realize it. It upsets me thinking about it, but I know that if I were better to her before it wouldn't have happened.

It's been a couple of years, we live hundreds of miles apart now and we haven't spoken at all since she said she preferred it that way. I looked her up randomly today and saw on her fb page she's got a new guy she's living with and seems to be happy. She also looks great which doesn't really help. And I've also got a new girl who's fantastic and incredibly pretty, and also 8 years younger than her (and me), but seeing her pictures and everything just brought it all back.

I wanted to call her too, or shoot her an email, but to what end? There's no going back, regardless of whether or not that would be a good thing anyway. I'm having a hard time accepting that though, truth be told-- like you, we spent our formative youth together, had all our "firsts" as new adults together. No one can replace that.

The only thing that brings me relief is knowing that my feelings aren't unique, I mean all of our individual experiences are, but that sentiment isn't. Hell you verbalized almost exactly what I feel-- nostalgia, regret, shame, loss. And people have felt this way for millenia and have made it, so I think we will too. Checking out her fb or instagram prob isn't the best idea though haha