I am 30 now and I think about it every day. Sometimes its innocuous like maybe ill just drive my car off the road. I've thought about suicide since I was 13. It was always "well, if x doesn't work out, I'll just kill myself." I've fought off the demons for years, and I'm still fighting. I still don't really want to go forward, but I also do. It's a really frustrating experience. I just want to be happy and I can't figure it out. I haven't been happy with my life since I could remember. People always told me to lower my expectations of life, and I've never really had true support except for my girlfriend, but things aren't that good right now. Idk. I have this job that pays okay, but i cant imagine doing it for another 30 years if i am feeling the way i am now. I've hit a rut again lately and it's been on my mind daily.

Sorry for sharing, felt compelled to. Rest In Peace Anthony Bourdain.