In human sexuality, I learned that it’s about the loss of control. If you don’t feel at fault in some way, then you realize it can happen again. So you blame and shame yourself for causing it. ~ Other people placing blame can really cause/contribute to those feelings, too.

And for me, I hate that some of it I enjoyed (early on). That’s hard to admit because it’s just disgusting and shameful to think about. But I also know that’s normal, and sexual things can feel good physically. I think a lot of it with that is I enjoyed the attention from him. It was, in a way, my first relationship, but also he was kinda like my stepdad even though he wasn’t; it’s gross to think about in those conflicting ways.

With the self-doubt, it’s being angry with myself that I didn’t say something, but I also know I was a scared child.

It’s really a combination of reasons why we can have those feelings.