The last time I said I love you for the first time.

I hadn't seen her for a month. She came back and we were laying in her bed and I could kind of tell she wanted to hear it and I had spent the whole month thinking about how much I'd missed her. It wasn't planned, but I did it.

She said it back. Told me she realized it months ago and had even began telling friends. It was really great for me because I had been really honest and open with her about myself, my issues, what I wanted, etc. I really felt like I was lovable without having to lie about who I was or hiding parts of myself.

The rest of that night was amazing. Sex right after the first time you say I love you is the best. One of those nights you'd relive over and over again.

She had joked earlier that I was one of those guys that got women to fall in love with them and then broke their hearts for sport. I reassured her in every way I could think of how great it was to be with her and how happy I was and how special she was to me.

I started introducing her to my friends. She started introducing me to hers. We were making plans for the upcoming year. Then a month after that on our one year anniversary, we went out to dinner and she broke up with me. Because of my psychological issues. Because dating me was too hard.

So that's why I'm gonna die alone.