i was a complete, nerdy, ugly duckling in high school. at 38, i'm certainly not that kid on the outside, but he's still there on the inside. i learned as an unpopular outcast to align myself with the others in that tribe. now i look at all of my friends from that time in my life (many i am still VERY close with now) and we are all genuinely beautiful (not manufactured) and we are all killing it so hard at life.

i'm forever grateful for how i came into my own, and still know how to be humble and a total unabashed spaz, cuz i learned from an early age to not give AF about what people thought of me...and honestly i think that is where the majority of my game comes from now. my confidence.

and i completely agree with the dudes that are super muscled and hot and too perfect being a bit, meh...yeah they are all right to fuck around with, but some of the hottest guys i've banged have been so self-obsessed and clearly crushed by self doubt, that it is laborious to hang out with them. who wants to couple up with a guy that has to be at the gym at 5am everyday and can't take a saturday to linger in bed? or that eats nothing but grilled chicken breast and brown rice everyday cuz he is too self conscious to eat a real meal in case he gains a pound or two? someone that can keep up with my wit and reads books and understands how to just be comfortable in who they are is way sexier than muscle daddy with crippling self-doubt. that's what porn is for.