Here's the thing. An old mate of mine committed suicide last October. We went way back, he was the biggest Star Wars fan I knew and he worked as a prop builder and archivist on Episode II at Fox Studios in Australia. He got me on set and I got to visit some of the sets, have lunch with the crew and even met Natalie Portman.
He was over the moon to have gotten this gig. He'd had a hard life, his little boy had died a few year prior, and it wrecked him, and his first marriage. Landing the gig on Star Wars made him happier than anything could in this world. He was on first name terms with Lucas and many of the cast and I will always remember his beaming face when he saw me geeking out at touching R2 and standing in the Jedi council chamber set.
I mention all this, because, well, it's a cool memory, but also because you need to get a small sense that there was a warm human being here, that this was a wounded, but lovely man who loved to make others happy.
I left the country and we stayed in touch. Recently his step-son committed suicide at the age of 18. That's two of his boys gone now. We spoke last year because he was suicidal after. His pain was immense and I will admit that when I got off the chat with him, I felt like the pain he was in, was too vast to handle, and I understood what he wanted to do. I know I wouldn't have been able to handle that pain.
Within a year he had a heart attack, while recovering he posted a series of increasingly dark Facebook posts, then, he committed suicide.
His pain is over now, I am happy for him in that respect, but here's what you need to know - his children and grandchildren are now. Fucked. Up. They share things on his memorial page, and it's raw.
Your life is yours to do with what you want, but inflicting pain on the people you leave behind because you're bored with this world (and fuck me, I am too, but I'm not leaving it without trying to help with the mess somehow) is anything but reuniting with Unity, it's cruel and selfish and if there is anything on the other side, and I think there is, you might not get the welcome you were expecting. And no, not hell. I lean towards simulation theory and this is all a very challenging learning environment.