That's just not true for a lot of people though. Not throwing your love out doesn't mean you're incapable. I felt strongly that I would either want to be with someone really well matched to me, or with no one at all.

I mean sure there were times I just wanted to be with someone. But when you don't have someone, it is easier to not look realistically at relationships. And those longing moments seem really the most painful, but I am in more pain if I am with someone who makes me feel more alone than being alone.

If you love fooslishly, it can be incredibly damaging. Letting the wrong people in your life isn't just about you getting hurt here and there. There can be systematic, devastating abuse or anguish, and if you were alone you would not have that.

Of course loving wisely is ideal, and having a really good match come around at the perfect time. Of course. But there is also value in not letting people in your life rule you in a negative way, simply because you think "well, it's better than being alone, I guess", and so the things you like, and want, and that make you who you are can be swept to the side as you let someone hurt you over and over.

I would speak to friends about relationships. The ones with the most problems generally with the person they were with were often the ones who settled, to a fault, and we're somehow surprised when they were being treated like shit. But it never mattered what you say to them about the value of being alone vs. just choosing anyone. They always chose a relationship with some person.

And at the end of the day, they were usually the ones that said (if straight female) "all guys are assholes", or (if straight male) "women are all bitches". It's like, no, people are just people, you just continue to choose shitty relationships with the opposite sex.

I don't know. I do think many people have unrealistically high standards, and the quote you posted is probably more aimed at them, to look at things as they are. But I think people have also unrealistically high standards for how other people, especially regards to relationships, will treat them.

I just see the "oh this horrible person has a date, and I can't get one?" And always roll my eyes. Do you want to be with someone you think is horrible? Or their SO? In my opinion having super high or super low standards can be detrimental.