Unfortunately, I've had a lot of bad experiences with this. My mother is abusive toward me, even to this day. A lot of the blame went on my father, because he 'controlled' her. Problem is, she treated me very poorly thoughout my childhood and beyond that, and most of it had nothing to do with him (although he would often support her for punishing me). People always tell me to forgive her specifically, not my dad. Even one of my counselors told me that "she's your mother, she was just in a bad place back then". She's divorced from my father now, and they rarely speak...yet she is still abusive and mistreats me, and refuses to accept that she is hurting me. Many people don't seem to want her or women like her to take responsibility for their actions, and just use other things as scapegoats to make them out to be victims even if it's not always the case.