Many, many years ago

When animals could speak,

A wondrous thing the ducks befell;

Their tale is quite unique.

Down by a pond dwelt all these ducks,

— Ten thousand at the least —

Their duckish joys were undisturbed

By any man or beast.

One day down near the entrance gate

There was an awful din.

A hundred hens all out of breath

Were begging to come in.

“Oh let us in!” these poor birds cried,

“Before we do expire!

’Tis only by the merest INCH

That we escaped the fire!”

Their feathers burned, their combs adroop,

They were the saddest sight.

They’d run a hundred miles or more,

All day and then all night.

“Come in! Come in!” the ducks all quacked,

“For you our hearts do bleed!

We’ll share our happy lot with you;

Just tell us what you need!”

And so these poor bedraggled hens

Amongst the ducks moved in.

“For after all,” the ducks declared,

“We’re sisters ’neath the skin.”

Before too many months had lapsed,

The hens were good as new.

They sent for all their rooster friends,

And those were welcomed too.

To please their hosts, these chickens tried

To waddle and to quack.

To simulate the duckish ways,

They quickly learned the knack.

This pleased the flock of ducks because

It gratified their pride.

But hear my tale and learn how they

Got taken for a ride.

The ducks, it seemed, spent all their time

In fixing up the place;

In growing food and building homes

And cleaning every space.

They asked the hens what they would do

To earn their daily bread.

“We’ll teach and write and entertain,

And buy and sell,” they said.

And so these hens began to teach

The baby ducks and chicks.

They traded food and eggs and things,

With many clever tricks.

They wrote great books and put on shows

— Of genius they’d no lack.

It wasn’t long till chickens owned

The Duckville Daily Quack.

One day a mother duck who took

Her ducklings to the lake,

Was flabbergasted when one said,

“A swim I will not take!”

“Why duckling’s ALWAYS swim!” she gasped,

“It’s what you’re built to do!

Like bunnies hop, and crickets chirp,

And cows most always moo!”

“You’re NUTS!” her son replied,

“That stuff is all OLD HAT!

It’s wrong for birds to swim — besides,

It’s damn cold on my prat!”

“Oh fie!” the mother duck exclaimed,

“You’re talking like a fool!”

Up quacked the other ducklings then:

“He’s right! We learned in school!”

“Such things must stop!” the mother cried,

“Those hens can’t tell such lies!

For sheer ingratitude and nerve,

I’m sure this takes the prize!”

But she was wrong, for even then

The hens did thump the tub,

Demanding they be let into

The Duckville Swimming Club.

“But you don’t swim!” the ducks exclaimed,

“To join, why should you care?”

“That’s not the point” the hens replied,

“To exclude us isn’t fair!”

The younger ducks, who’d been to school

Agreed right there and then,

“To keep them out is bigotry!

’Twould just be ANTI-HEN!”