Id love to talk more in depth about how I made contact and the help/advice and what I received going through this.Feel free to pm me a message when the mood strikes you my friend! I know that feeling dude like existing and having so much pain that forces you to be present but mentally you're on Mars. Its sad and this will sound depressing but as time goes on the little things I kinda have to cherish because that's all I have. And I know what your getting At.... like the other day I was in line at the grocery store and as I looked over the candy and drinks at the register And saw the skittles and Arizona tea I just about sobbed because MEMORIES. But it's weird I get sad but I'm still so grateful to think of him as desperate as it sounds. The grief hits me like a fucking tidal wave. I'm so lonely even when I'm not alone and jts bc I crave this certain contact and connection I only had with him . Wish I had super future news but it be like that sometimes.i know sometimes extremely heavy grief becomes a shield and blocks contact from the other side so it may take some time even 6 mo, a yr. Sorry I must have been confusing with how I worded what I wrote , he was my fiance we were together for 6 years but close friends 15 years :) pm if you need a friend or want me to elaborate more on my experiences:)