I am definitely reading some articles etc on emotional abuse now.

I have a question about one thing that happens when we communicate that I don't understand. If I say that I won't do something he gets outraged. I feel that if I phrased it less assertively it would go over better but I think I should not have to. Although, this could be a communication issue that I need to improve.

Occasionally he brings up getting a dog. I don't want one. He and his kids are never home. We have a crapton of cats (more than 3) that the kids don't take care of as it is. I am the one harassing people to clean catboxes on a continual basis and I do it the msot often. I am fully aware of the attention a dog requires. When presented with the idea I said, "I'm not getting a dog, we don't take care of the animals we have". Whenever I say this, he gets upset and shuts down. If I ask why that was offensive, he indicates that I have spoken in absolutes and made my stance clear and there is nothing more to discuss. Which is true, but I don't understand why someone would get mad and shut down communication for awhile.

This also happened when we were trying to respond to an email from his family about a family reunion; it sounded to me like he was saying he could NOT go. He said "I'm not driving to the reunion and attending without you". Because I don't want to. He slammed the computer shut and refused to respond to the email. For months every time the issue came up, he said he never responded to their email because of my behavior and my statement that I would not drive there by myself. I kept trying to explain that I was saying I would not go to the reunion without him. He thought I was backpedaling. Family members eventually started emailing and saying "what's the deal, you haven't answered". The person hosting the reunion at their home is upset that nobody has nailed down the week we are attending.

He told me that he had tried to respond but that my statements had made it impossible for him to answer. I feel that to this day, he blames me for the reunion still being up in the air. Because I made one statement during our discussion that he found offensive.

I don't understand how to communicate with him.

Sometimes I think we just have a communication problem. Other times I think he might be an asshole.