suicidal thoughts are a regular symptom for me as well, and like you i know i would never act on it either, even when it’s really bad. but those thoughts are very dark and scary. some months are much worse that others (things that affect it include sugar/caffeine intake and exercise). the good news is it will absolutely pass. but in the moment it’s hard to look past. it sounds like your boyfriend is a great support system, and if you’re worried that you’re scaring him you can let him know that too. PMDD is hard to explain to people who don’t experience it so the fact that you have someone in your corner is a plus, keep the communication open. and don’t attach to the dark thoughts love, they aren’t here to stay. im so sorry you’re experiencing this but just know you’re not alone. if it doesn’t go away when you start your bleed definitely seek some professional help, stay safe ♡

also, idk how old you are but if you’re of age and it’s legal in your state .. cannabis helps me IMMENSELY with these feelings. helps to lighten my mood & since i’m not thinking clearly anyway, might as well make myself feel better and have silly brain fog instead of dark and scary clouds in my mind.