I've tried learning about limerence, but it sounded like limerence fades when the person is within reach,..which was never the case with us. This golden shadow is interesting and will require a lot of thought.
It definitely is "them as a person" here as I firmly believe it wouldn't have happened otherwise. I've had crushes before and yea, they fade 100% over time or disappointment. One thing that helped me fall was that we just had so much in common and we had this "kindred spirit" thing going on where we really got eachother, even he would say things like "I cant do this/talk about this with my friends", we rarely debated (not that debating is bad). I can remember what it was like to fight over the stereo or have different plans on what to do for the day or just not understand eachothers tastes in things and I dont want to go back to that. But I'm hoping with my new person we cultivate shared interests .. Another was that things were just very romantic. Not in a fake over the top intentional way, just the little things, and it just happened, we were always seeing something crazy/new/beautiful happen when we were together that to me life just felt "enhanced" and exciting even on a normal day, so this added to the long list of nice memories my mind goes to. Most dates I had before just feel like awkward interviews over dinner rather than flowing naturally and having fun - we went about it all wrong basically, usually the mature thing is to talk about the serious compatibility points early on, but we (emotionally immature) did the carefree thing just focused on connecting and it HAPPENED to work out later that we were aligned, and being a bit outside the norms thats kinda miraculous to me. Obviously that sort of early excitement is temporary, but we found our own ways to have fun. None of the infatuation disappeared for me, it just faded as it blended into comfort type of happiness, sometimes it would lessen when disappointments happened but then I'd learn acceptance and gratitude. I didnt get bored like I do with most people. And I felt unconditionally loved (whether it was true or an act) in any state, since he was independent (but not distant!) and he asked so little of me I felt free and not pressured or guilty in any way. I definitely believe its all three as you said. But maybe it just felt like such a near-perfect match cause not enough years under our belt? I'm not sure. Its also complicated by the fact I got really sick, and his support led me to feel like he was my security blanket at times, which I guess is normal but it does increase attachment. It sucks that we cant even be best friends or friends at all anymore because of the idiotic way he went about the end of it. I just hope that he misses me deep down some day and doesn't think I'm garbage as some way to cope or think his new partners are better than what we had. (I know its codependent to even worry about whatever he's thinking)

Thank you so much for responding.

I'm not seriously dating mainly just going on like people I see around, people I know that have expressed interest, and dating profiles, but even with trying to have an open mind I see red flags and qualities that I dislike even more than the last time I was single... its like I run through scenarios quickly of why I'll be unhappy with them because maybe i'm not that tolerant of differences anymore, having experienced what I did and knowing how good it felt. I dont want to be too stupid picky and a choosing beggar since I know I'm not the best but I also dont want to feel like I settled... But then, maybe I would settle for a lot of differences if I could just FEEL ATTRACTED to them & safe with them. I thought that keeping my eyes open this way would give me some perspective but it's scared me. Also the PDS idea that when you become secure you no longer experience a lot of passion, is a scary thought.