Oh god I'm so late, but this is my forté.
My three favourite bad dates:
A guy and a girl are on what appears to be a blind date or a Tinder date. The girl is this beautiful, natural blonde. Probably still an 8/10 on her worst day. The guy... jeez. Greasy hair, disgusting teeth, really loud, physically unattractive and a total asshole. I overhear snippets of their conversation. Girl has ordered a vegetarian dish, guy has ordered the meatiest dish on the menu. I can hear him ripping on her for being a vegetarian. He's listing reasons why humans need to eat meat. I didn't catch much of the rest of their conversation, but somehow, he gets up before finishing his food, goes up to the register and asks to pay his part of the bill. He scoffs something along the lines of ''terrible date lol''. The girl only seemed relieved. She sat there, perfectly content, finishing the rest of her vegetarian meal. Said nothing poorly of the guy when she paid her part, not even when prompted. Just shrugged it off with a genuine laugh. It didn't feel appropriate to high five her, but I've since considered to go on a missed connections type of page to holla at her. What a saint.
Sort of date. A guy and a girl, and her two girl friends. Not sure if he was meeting them for the first time, but I've never seen anyone had such a terrible time as he did. And I've seen a girl throw up on a table during a date. These girls were loud, obnoxious, shallow and rude. When I bring them their drinks (a carafe of wine with 3 glasses and 1 beer), the girls are all ''YOU'RE NOT DRINKING WINE WITH US AHHEOHAHAOAHAHAHAH?!?!?!''. Dude just sighs deeply and deadpans, ''no''. The girls never seemed to realise how deeply he disliked them. The entire night he was facepalming, sighing, trying to get away from the table. I caught him standing near the bathrooms, just browsing his phone. Really can't blame the guy, those girls were banshees from the deepest layer of hell.
Girl throws up on the table during her date. This one is a favourite because everything turned out so well. Her date wasn't upset at all. He carressed her back, came to us for napkins and water, and waved all her apologies away. Of course she was embarrassed, but after a couple of minutes, she seemed legitimately comfortable again. They both refused to let me help them clean, and they actually left the restaurant in laughter.
TL;DR go for drinks, not dinner on your first date. get very drunk if you're meeting your SO's friends. find yourself a person that will make you laugh about vomiting on a table.