I have a friend, we play Overwatch a lot. Since the free weekend we have been very unlucky, with lots of losing streaks, it has been very frustrating, but I don't care, I enjoy playing with her even if she doesn't talk much because it's late.

But yesterday she got really mad, she just said "fuck it, I leave" without even saying goodbye. I texted her "Good night, it's not my fault", in an attempt to show her I didn't like how she left. She got it and apologized.

Today I ask her if she wants to play, suggesting maybe she wanted to take a break from the game, but she said she wanted to play with me and asked me back if I wanted to take a break, but I don't mind.

Tonight we played, it's getting late, we're losing a lot, I ask her if she has to get up early tomorrow, she said she has to so I suggested stopping playing and going to sleep. She thinks I don't want to play more, but I tell her I want to, I was just asking and chatting.

Later after losing another game she said she's fucking tired of the game, so again I suggest leaving and then she got mad at me, she said she didn't believe I wanted to play because I suggested stopping playing so many times. I was just trying to be thoughtful and avoid her getting mad at the game like the previous night.

And what did I get? Now I'm a liar and she left like yesterday.

I know she has her own issues, but we help each other. That's why she has it really difficult to make me angry, but she's going to make it, I'm starting to be tired of this, because it really hurts me. Sometimes it's indirectly, in the way it hurts after going through my mind and my thoughts, but other times, like this one, it hurts in both ways.

I don't think I deserve this, in a moment I'll feel like shit, I'll think it's all my fault, I'll overthink it all a lot and in the end I'll hate myself even more.