Thank you for posting. I am still very disinclined to admit to people the awful way I saw a young lady being abused and looked for more of it. It is heartbreaking to be a part of the culture where it is OK. I was talking to my boyfriend the other day and he tried comforting me by telling me it was fake. Well, although it wouldn't quite feel the same way emotionally as if one wasn't acting, it is still unpleasant. it isn't nice to ask someone else (even if I don't know her) to go through something like that for my entertainment. I want to distance myself a bit from wanting to see girls cry.

I was dating someone a while back who wanted to watch porn with me. I had previously told him that he did not, but, I was drunk, things were almost over between us, so, wtf, right? I showed him some of my regular search terms, "crying" being my first try. He was increasingly distressed and talked over the video we finally watched with words that accurately described what was happening. It was both funny and sad. When I put it away, he promised himself he would never watch porn again. He had asked me earlier how some things were done that he liked seeing and was rather displeased after finding out that some things were actually real

Also, this next thing does not belong here, but, there is already a trigger warning... I am really liking my boyfriend's attempts to quit porn. He had actually ripped out my hair twice acting out. I hadn't been acting much better with him.

Yesterday, I thought I was being mean, but, added some, "Please do not..." restrictions to some actions that are not allowed when he is pretending for himself. but all right when he is pretending for me. He was actually very understanding and said it made perfect sense and was fine. I shouldn't have to let a man even pretend to hurt me so he can get off.

This is horrible stuff. I reset my counter a few days ago for a minor indiscretion, but my brain is still so much clearer (and nicer) when it comes to sex than it was last month.