This is so true.

I don't even know how to ask for help anymore. When I'm alone, I know there's something wrong with me. I used to do all these other things, but now if I sit and try to relax, my brain will just think about work and what needs to get done on monday. If I happen to make a friend, I just wind up talking about work.

The fucked up thing was, before christmas, I was the one everybody came to for a huge proposal. Something we'd never tried before and people are asking me all these questions and asking for updated constantly and I was doing it. I fucking handled it. Nobody freaked out, I kept everybody calm while I was just constantly worried. I didn't feel all that stressed, felt fine. But when I got word that everything worked out and we made it, I couldn't sleep and felt really emotional. Not happy emotional. I thought I'd feel a weight off, but I don't know what it was. Everybody else was walking around all happy because we managed something major, but me, I just felt... not right. Took a couple days before I felt normal again.

And we're doing it again, almost the same deal, tomorrow the meetings start and I'm under a tight deadline.

Sometimes I feel like if I got a proper hug from somebody who just wants me to feel better, I'm just going to break down and bawl my eyes out. You know, ugly cry. So I try to make sure everything is kept far away from that level. I can't afford that. I grew up learning that "I'm a big scary guy with a lot of responsibilities and that it's not 'your' job to worry about all of that, it's mine".