Its ongoing... :) Around 5 years ago I decided not to love someone, marry someone, not to drink, celebrate my birthday, festivals, socialize much, etc ever! ...to punish myself for something or that was my way of living trying to get away from everything that can make me happy! or... I don't know! It's complicated...story for some other time.

Then, two years ago, I met(saw) that girl in a far off city, I liked her, she was different than any girl I've ever seen. I was suddenly attracted towards her but decided not to approach obviously. I told myself that If we ever meet again, I will talk to her. 3-4 months later I met her, living in my city, attending clz with me, same classes with me but I decided to not approach, remembering my resolve. Just 6 months, and I gave up, that fucking absolute resolve that I was so proud of! I started changing myself, talking to people, socializing, drinking again(She asked tbh) and everything, with classmates mostly. My classmates were always questing how come you're drinking? Oh! wow, you came to party?! because they had seen the other me for 6 long months. And 6 more months later, I shared my feelings with her, we're already good friends by then but she said no, reason -there is someone else living in a far off country(which is not the case exactly) but I told her that it doesn't matter I will ask again sometime in the future. Till, now we have gone for couple of dates which she agreed to go just to tell me no again. I have no regrets, I do everything keeping her in mind. Except for one close friend, nobody knows about me and her (Atleast from my side). To everyone, I'm a normal guy who sometimes makes strange decisions in life. I have no other desire in life. I just know that she deserves way more than what she has in her life, I want to ger her that. She knows I like her a lot, we're still friends but she doesn't know what she actually is to me. Even I don't know...

All I have is hope! and when she marries someone, which she most likely will...I will leave the town or country! and do, I don't know what! :D

PS: My English is still a bit weak.