I just won't do any of these goals that I had as dreams for so long. I'm scared of hating myself when I fail, of being angry at myself if I don't do something perfectly, of suffering my way through what should be enjoyable.

Most of these things aren't goals where you fail. It's a process. It takes years to learn.

My first English lesson was 36 years ago and I still come across words I never have heard or struggle with grammar. Learning a language is a process. I will never know all English words.

The same goes for music and painting: It's a process you do and you get better at it with practice if you have some talent. I have eventually given up on playing instruments because the frustration was bigger than the joy.

You are very good at the skill to listen to your mother's voice in your head. It took you years to learn. But it also will take time to unlearn it.

Learning an instrument, a language, writing, painting, travel: You put a lot on your plate.

What do you like that creates a flow that Mihály Csíkszentmihályi described? What do you do for the sake of doing it?

Some people say that you need thousands of hours of practice to be good at something. But I think that's only half the truth: You need talent, too. If you practice something at it's all blood sweat and tears you shouldn't be doing it (unless it is absolutely necessary). Find something you have some talent so you have lots of small successes.

To take away some pressure get a part time job that pays the bills. The other half of the day you find out what you like and practice it. That takes away the pressure to be good at what you practice. You might never be good enough to make some money with any kind of art. But if you don't have the pressure to do so you can just enjoy it.