It's scary how similar your story is to mine. I came out of a horrible 3 year relationship that was traumatizing and caused a lot of suffering. I went through a year and a half of partying, hooking up, experimenting with drugs, and drinking almost daily.

Just recently I stopped all the self destruction and really zeroed in on myself. Started meditating and reading a book about becoming fully present. It's done wonders on my attitude and perspective.

I feel very weightless. I feel very light. Like colors are brighter. My senses feel enhanced. I feel... Happy. And excited about being alive. But same boat as you, my mind is kind of scared. What happens when I come down from this "high"? Is this real or am I delusional? Am I really happy or is this just my mind trying to be okay?

It feels like I shouldn't be allowed to feel such joy. What did I do that I get to be happy?

But let's enjoy it! Let's focus on right now, and right now we are happy so let's just be that.