I know I'm late to the party, and this is a throwaway because people I know use reddit and know this about me. Most selfish: My ex himself. One of many standout examples being from prom. Graduating high school was kind of a big deal for myself and my family (due to me dropping out and going back), and from the beginning, he was raising issues. He was a few years older and going to college. He was supported by his family financially. Anyways, my grad came around, and I had asked him months before to get a suit. He refused, saying that he wouldn't waste money renting a suit when he was going to lose weight (he gained 50lbs during our relationship, which he blamed on me). Spoiler: he didn't lose the weight. Pressure was picking up, and time was running out, I asked him to simply pick out something decent from the thrift shop. I went with him and felt like a mother trying to get her four year old to eat vegetables. Ex looked like a hungover business man who sleeps on slot machines in Las Vegas and jerks off to the Sears catalogue lingerie section. He knew this was important for me and that I just wanted it to be nice for once, but instead, he threw tantrums left, right, and centre. Come the night of prom, he was complaining about everything, asking why he had to be there because it was stupid and what about his needs, and we should do stuff that he wants, blah blah blah. Yes, many events were lame, but as I kept reminding hi it was important to me and I was graduating so I wanted to have fun. He didn't care. I wanted to dance, he complained and ate more food, so I went on the dancefloor with what few friends I had at that school. When we went back to our table, he was gone. Cue to me crying, the group of friends being bewildered and looking rather furious, and he and his stupid face reappearing after 20 minute with sweat on his brow and him explaining that he really had to take a shit. I was able to ditch him and go to the after party where I won $200, so there's that. I have plenty more examples, but this one takes the cake. Like he does.
Least selfish: My current boyfriend loves to pet my hair and give me massages because he knows it helps me sleep and because it feels amazing. He generally does things even if it's out of his way because he wants me to be happy. It's a weird yet amazing feeling to be wanted in such a way.
TL;DR: 1. Ex complaining 2. Believe ex leaves me, he takes a shit 3. ??!? 3. Profit