My parents were great, never abusive. But my dad basically grew up white bread, picket fence type deal. He never smoked weed in his life, went to top schools, got a prestigous degree and worked in a high intelligence career. My mom grew up poor, middle child, with alcohlic, abusive siblings and she was the first to graduate highschool, and until recently, the only one to graduate university in her entire family. She worked hard to get where she is, despite dealing with a lot of family crap along the way. Not to say her parents wren't good, but because she was a middle child who wasn't a fuck up, she didn't get much attention. She built a great life for herself.
They had me really late as their only child and had a mould they wanted me to fill. Do the private school system, excel, go to university and get into an office setting, move out get married, have 2.5 kids and a house. Whole 9 yards.
I didn't like the same food they did, I hated to kids I went to school with, I didn't have academic aspirations and learned better with my hands. Add on top of that I got into punk/metal, dying my hair, getting piercings and tattoos... I wasn't a model child. They've changed now in their perception of my career and stop commenting on how I look.
I felt like if there wasn't this perfect path I should have followed I wouldn't have felt so isolated, like a failure. I wish I could have been honest about who I was or what I was doing without fear of backlash. They never punished me too severely, but that's because when I wasn't "being perfect" I simply became sneaky behind their backs instead.
I wish I got out of that damn school when I was 7 and started begging to go to public school, instead of when I was 14 and they lost their jobs and were unable to pay tuition for highschool. I'm greatful I had the opportunity to learn what I did there and they wanted me to have a good education, but I was bullied incessantly, surrounded by cruel rich kids. The teachers never took an interest in me, and despite being intelligent, I wasn't the "smart kid", the "creative one" or the "athlete", so on top of being victimized by my peers, I had no solace in anything the school offered either.
I got into music as an escape, and desperately wanted to dye my hair and get piercings, but I didn't want to ruin my good girl image. Until I got my heart broken after losing my virginity to the first boy I loved and had a serious relationship with. He up and left me without an explanation (I found out later he was developing a seriopus mental illness and didn't want to drag me down, but at 15 with no idea it broke me). I got my hair cut, I dyed it, I got piercings (Which my parents hated and called self mutilation and thought only criminals and drug addicts had them). Truthfully, I was just getting an aesthetic I liked and I was punished for it.
I started partying, smoking weed, drinking, sex, skipping class, you name it. I was smart enough to get birth control, but I hid it. I hid all of it. I got popular and finally people liked me for me. I skipped class yet I managed to get honour roll. I ended up in an abusive relationship and though my parents didn't like the guy they never knew what he did to me.
They love me, and accept me now, even if I have a blue collar career, tattoos and weird hair. They don't box me in anymore, but had I just been taken out of that school, away from the bullying. If I had been loved for who I was and what I wanted to be versus shoe horned into the education driven, cookie cutter, middle class child, I may not have had those self worth issues. I may have gotten help before I went down the path I did. But my whole early life I was bullied by my peers, held to the standards my cousins/family thrived in yet I didn't want, I may have been able to tell them about wanting to have sex, the heartbreak. I may have been able to get out from the abusive relationship sooner.
I kept the perfect image, and I got better on my own. I got my university degree, I have a lot of good experience in my career field. I could have gotten better a lot sooner if I could've been honest versus hiding what i was going through and doing for fear of not being allowed out at best, and ruining their girl's perfect daughter image.