When I was 17, I had a school project with a girl I really liked. We worked on that project at her home here and there for a couple of weeks and got to know each other better.

We startet to meet more often, watching movies together in bed, cuddling the whole time. I am a very shy guy who thinks of himself as a waste of flesh/life. That's why I never tried to kiss her or do anything that was more then a little bit of cuddling.

Fast forward a few weeks, we I asked her if she wanted to go to a party of a friend of mine. She accepted after a while, stating she would only come because of me, because she didn't know anyone besides me (that was the peek of my self-esteem).

The day of the party came, my friend (best friend at that time, don't speak to her anymore) started to cry over a guy, so I sat down with her to calm her down and distract her from feeling bad. The girl I was into (not the crying girl) was downstairs getting drunk. When I went downstairs to grab a drink, I saw the girl kissing another random guy who she never met before (she was standing there without a top, only in a bra).

I felt something die in myself that I didn't even know existed.

We still met up afterwards, I didn't say a word about that incident, because she didn't know that I saw her making out with another guy. (yes, I am a pathetic little shit)

A few months later (still at the age of 17) we were at another party (The girl, 3 male friends of mine and me. I was the driver). Again, she was there because of me (we still never kissed or anything like that, she kind of expected me to make that move, but I was/am just way too shy to take that step).

End of the story, she made out with my best friend, who asked me to drive them to her home. For some reason I did. I didn't go back to the party, I drove home and almost killed myself by drinking too much alcohol because of frustration. My best friend had sex with her that night.

I am 21 now and still feel like a worthless POS because I feel like it is my fault that she did that to me. Needless to say that I do not talk to her anymore, even though I am still into her.

I am sorry for the long text, didn't think it would be so much to write. (Also sorry for my awful English, it's not my first language)