Have you ever called yourself an idiot? Have you ever said to yourself, “I suck!” or “What’s wrong with you? or “Are you stupid?” Unfortunately, you’re not alone. The #1 defense mechanism of all mankind was learned before the age of six. When we were reprimanded or scolded in our formative years, we felt horrible. We dropped our heads and sulked at the barrage of negativity coming from the people we loved. We were ashamed that we let “them” down. We were embarrassed that we could elicit such negative emotions because of our actions. When we didn’t get our way, life was even worse. This is what we finally figured out in order to protect our wounded psyche. I loved my father. I ate breakfast every morning with him as my Mom was already at work by the time I woke up. My Dad ate shredded wheat and so did I. On this particular day I accidently spilled milk onto the linoleum floor. Swiftly we learned that the floor was uneven. The milk, seeking the path of least resistance, ran down the pitched floor and made its way under the refrigerator. My Dad went berserk. “What’s wrong with you. I told you to not put the glass near the edge of the table,” he screamed. “Now we’re going to be late,” he yelled. Upon gaining his wits he moved the heavy refrigerator to clean up my mess. Milk under the fridge would smell awful within hours if not cleaned up. Finally, Dad took me to school and he barely made it in time for his work. Three days later it happened again. It was identical to my previous screw-up. I spilled more milk from the kitchen table and it made its way down the linoleum and under the refrigerator. This time Dad was manic. I had never seen him so mad. I remember the veins popping out of his forehead. Finally, after yelling and cleaning he dropped me at school on his way to work. I believe he was late. The silence from the ride was deafening. I really disappointed him. I mean I REALLY disappointed him. Obviously, I hadn’t learned my lesson. One week later, I accidently knocked over a Coke in the living room. I immediately panicked! Before my Dad could move a muscle and before he could make a sound, I announced angrily to myself, “I’m so stupid. I’m an idiot.” Do you know what my Father said to me in the most sincere and kind words? “That’s okay Jimmy. Don’t cry over spilled milk.” Wow! At that very moment I realized that if I was mean to me then the ones I love wouldn’t be mean to me. I learned that to put myself down was a way to get my parents to treat me okay. I received sympathy. I received comfort. I even got a few hugs when I acted the role of the victim. If you’re mean to you, then the people that love you won’t be mean to you. This defense mechanism has been utilized by most of the people in the world. I see it even in professional athletes. I know they’ve been pulling this defense mechanism since grade school. Many yell, scream, roll their eyes, grimace or mumble vile negatives under their breath, all in discontent when they strike out, miss an easy birdie putt or perform a move that is not favorable. More than likely, they learned this behavior at an early age. I see it in relationships, sales, and businesses of all types. This behavior is not limited to sports. It’s time that ALL self-deprecating put-downs are eliminated. We must put an end to this type of self-abuse. It has no positive value. None. There is no redeeming take-away. In fact, by negatively reviewing the immediate past as a victim or judge, you are distancing yourself from the peak performance phenomenon of the Zone. With this behavior, the Zone has already made its way to the next zip code. My Five-Second Rule™ keeps the positive flow of energy going and eliminates the negative put-down. It works like this… Immediately after a missed putt, basketball shot, tennis serve, poor business deal or botched phone call, do the following: Act like nothing went wrong. Be stoic and non-judgmental. Raise your chin in a positive gesture so the negative becomes more difficult to replay. Do NOT replay what happened until after the entire performance. And then replay it ONLY for swift evaluation, analysis and learning. Seek out your next objective or target ASAP. Say the word, “NEXT!” In order to be the best you, then you need to treat yourself as the best you. I’ve said the following to many of my clients over the past 40 years. “If I talked to you like you talked to you, you’d fire me.” Treat yourself as a champion. Positive things will happen!