my father once physically assaulted me for staying up after midnight, watching a show on my phone. the next day he took me to his office with him to “show me how hard people are working to make a living” and that i am a waste of space and oxygen. i was 16, it was ramadan and summer break, what was i supposed to be doing? he threatened to kill me and bury me when we were in his office, for having a bad faith and going against allah’s word and islamic instructions, hadn’t i unlocked my phone for him to check. he read all my conversations with my friends, which were just 2 girls, he didn’t find anything about any boys/men, which i think he wanted to find so he could actually have a reason for abusing me.

one time i told my mother that i was being bullied, some guys from my neighborhood would throw pebbles at me (like when they stone women for committing adultery) because i refused to go out with one of them. she said that i must have done something to trigger them, that i must have provoked them. i was telling her this while bleeding from the “stoning” and she just told me to stop going outside, and that it would have not happened had i been a hijabi. they would do this while i were on my way to school, so she basically told me not to go to school anymore, and i did wear hijab for a few months but they just bullied me even more. it went on for 5 years until each of the guys moved out of the neighborhood or just dropped out of school. i still have all the scars!

it’s weird how the people responsible for your existence can be such abusive assholes, why did they give birth to us if it’s only to restrict our abilities to enjoy life? i will never understand.