Finally brought an end to a quietly toxic relationship.

I was happy, or at least I thought, but I think I actually just accepted it and was more afraid of being alone.

It came to an abrupt end early summer after the toxicity just got worse and worse, to the one morning in particular which pushed me way further than I could handle.

I'm now in a new relationship, and I've surprised myself by just how excited I am by it. I'm as giddy and happy as I was with my first girlfriend going years back.

I never got that feeling with my recent ex once, and was pretty apathetic about seeing her at all for a while at least. I genuinely thought maybe that part of me was gone now, that I'd experienced the happy love ride for the first time and now I'd become a cynical husk with muted emotions, but now I'm feeling things I thought were long gone, and it's like part of my old self has come back again.

Everytime we're apart I can't wait to see her again. Everytime my phone buzzes I check it with excitement. Even when I first got with my ex I wasn't like that.

My only regret was letting it go on for as long as it did. I wasn't completely unhappy, at least for a while, but the more and more one-sided it got the more it just drained the life out of me.

Growing up I was an incredibly shy and withdrawn kid, but I managed to sort of shake it off and come out my shell a bit in the year or so leading up to getting with my ex. I feel like I've seriously gone backwards again in the last few years, my confidence is shattered and I'm socially withdrawn again, but I'm slowly starting to pick myself back up again.

2016 has been a fun ride, and I'm totally re-thinking my attitude about my future now.

If you asked me last Christmas how open I'd be to changes, I'd have laughed and slunk away. Now I'm all for it.