I’m an investigator for a large law enforcement agency, and prior to my current employment I studied law to include earning my J.D. I specialize in a certain type of forensic investigation, and I can’t believe the amount of times someone has mentioned crime drama shows and police procedural shows:

“Why don’t you just [insert whatever unrealistic forensic test] and then run it through [insert fictional immediate-result database software]?”

This happens much more frequently than one would think. Also, there are also the realistic expectations of people involved somehow in an investigation, whether of the legal system or of the time invested into investigatory procedure. No, the trial won’t be next week. Yes, the defendant has a right not to talk to me or anyone else, no I can’t make someone confess to a crime, yes you have to come to court, maybe multiple times. No, just because you told me they did something you don’t like doesn’t mean I can present the suspect for indictment or arrest them, there has to be an actual crime committed and it has to fit the jurisdiction of my agency. No, I know nothing about the Mueller report or anything involved and I won’t blink twice if your conspiracy theory is correct.