Also lost my dad at a young age, a month before I turned 9, so I can kinda understand that feeling. At least for me, as I get older I start thinking less about myself and more about others, so I imagine my dad had similar feelings. He wouldn't feel bad about us not taking a whole lot because I wasn't mentally developed enough for that kinda thing, I'm sure parents understand that.

A couple months ago, I found a note he left for me. It seemed like one of his biggest regrets was spanking me as punishment, said he was just doing what he thought was best. I thought that was kinda interesting cause looking at this note 15 years later, I could see he also had regrets for something I never held against him. I always understood why I was in trouble. Kinda helped me a bit, but of course I still wish I could talk to him, that's just a normal part of losing someone you love