As a preface I think I might be a bit more "fucked up" than most sadists, but I've slowly come to terms with my sadistic side. You ever read David Parker Ray's audio tape he played for his victims? Made me so hard just thinking about doing that to a girl I knew that I had to go to some lighter BDSM porn afterwards (after not having ever done any bondage or anything, so it isn't like there was an impetus or ramp up of porn making me like it over time. Much deeper than that).

I think I rationalize it and say that I want her to consent but "not consent", like most BDSM, but the more I think about it the more I realize that consent doesn't really play into my fantasies at all. I would be able to completely get my rocks off even if it was a random girl I plucked off a highway somewhere and she wasn't on the same page.

Not that I'm going to do that (seriously, I'm not, I do have my ethics). It isn't even a primary fetish of mine or anything, and vanilla sex is just fine for me, but I can't deny that I like the idea of finding a girl and just taking her.

The weirdest thing to me is that, for me, it doesn't apply to any of the girls I've actually really cared about. They are completely separate and the thought of that makes me a little bit sick. I don't really hate or even consciously want to harm other women but I just want to..I don't know. Ever been around a kitten and you just want to squeeze it? Like Lenny from Of Mice and Men? It's the exact same thing.

Keeping with the "yolo fuck it no throwaway" spirit of this thread because I haven't done anything wrong and never will (pertaining to this subject of course).