Unreasonable Behavior?

I just can’t stop worrying about the future, it’s not about lack of trust on her, but it’s about…maybe I’m just so self-centered. But it’s really about something…Her unwanted behavior is easily triggered. She don’t share anything about what she feel, I shared that someone had a crush on me (I thought it could give her signals that I trust her but what happen is the opposite), and then when I did or say something wrong…she uses what I shared and started to unleash her unwanted behavior.

She says something like “K”, “Whatever”, “Duh”, “You're choking me. (“Something like a threat like I’ll leave you in indirect manner”…Actually these words are hurting me too…penetrating very deep inside. I can’t fight back cause I love her, I don’t want her to feel the same.

But then what could I do I love her…but when she said…”Even I love you, you might lose me” something like that…I get lost…I got discourage…I constantly feel I need to say sorry…but there’s nothing to be sorry about.

She saves up every error I made, no reset button…Yes no reset button…but as long as she’s happy all my old errors are somewhat gone…but if not…all errors are retrieve.

If I not thinking very deep like I’m doing now…If I’m not just very tolerant…I think I’d already walked away…She loves me, but not my faults…only my best. So conditional…and that makes me a little bit sad inside.

I wonder how it goes when I marry her…Yes it might be fun, we shared qualities that complement each other, but when we are away to each other, something like this happen. I felt really away. But when we are together, we’re strong like no one could destroy our bond.

Maybe my happy days are numbered…I just can’t leave her, I love her. But she can leave me even though she loves me. I doubt it.

There’s only one solution…pretends everything is okay…pretends someone I’m not (I’m not jealous, I’m not going to feel anything but I’m still hurting inside)… but all of these are against my core values. Am I forever a martyr?

Maybe I should not share what I feel or think about now, about the past and about future to her. But I think it will just put me into some Gehenna. I think it destroys my relationship with her. I just want to be honest with her with my thoughts, my heart…because I TRUST her.

And this unreasonable behavior she’s saying…is what I am.

I can’t adjust it anymore, I already think every possible worst case scenario for every adjustment I’ll be making.

Any help?

I need her unconditional love.