Seeing as I'm still quite the moron, it should come as no surprise that I was an immensely idiotic child.

There was the time, for instance, that I came to the mistaken conclusion that I could cure every disease known to man by injecting people with soap. My logic was that since soap kills germs and shots keep people from getting sick, a combination of the two would result in immunity to anything short of physical injury.

Even before that, though, I went through a brief period during which I convinced myself that everyone on the planet spoke English. It made sense to my four-year-old mind, because as far as I could see, English speakers "actually said the words." For example, "el gato" in Spanish meant "the cat" in English, which implied that anyone using the first language would need to know the equivalent word in my own.

There was also the time (in my early adolescence) that I tried to build an energy weapon out of a hairdryer, a static-discharge device, and a makeshift linear accelerator. That might sound impressive, but it was really just a bunch of refrigerator magnets and some cannibalized parts... and my parents were less than pleased when they discovered what I'd done. Still, it was better than my earlier attempt at building a lightsaber from a flashlight and a telescope.

I can recall worrying that I'd physically transform into the Disney version of Cinderella if I happened to say "Kill-a-joy!" too many times. Given that I was a five-year-old male, that was a somewhat unpleasant prospect.

Perhaps the stupidest thing I believed was that I possessed the ability to see fairy-like creatures that were invisible to everyone else. This was brought on by a handful of experiences during which I'd stood up too quickly or something, and wound up seeing those floating motes of light that sometimes dance in your field of vision. I didn't have a good explanation for what was actually going on, so I made the assumption that I was watching mythical beings fly around the room. Worse still, I used to hope that I was seeing the beginnings of a transporter beam (like in Star Trek) that would make an attractive princess materialize in front of me... but I resigned myself to the "truth" that I was spying on fairies.

TL;DR: Medicine, language, and weaponized toys. I was a moron when I was a boy.