Finally got to take a girl out that I was really into. Beautiful, smart, a journalist, rock climber all around bad ass. The only problem was the one day she could find room to go out was the same day I told my buddy I would climb Longs Peak... A fourteen thousand foot mountain with like a fifteen mile hike, the miles to the peak are the steepest and border rock climbing. Can't let my buddy down, we've been planning this, and I really wanted to take this girl out. I decided to do both.

Well, I woke up around 2 am pulled my buddy out of bed, have to summit before noon. Drive there, hike the mountain. If you've never experienced altitude it can get interesting. It's one step, one breath. The fierce winds blow the drooling snot off your frozen face. We eventually summit. Take a gander at the view and head back down. Life comes back immediately, I'm feeling good for a date. 7 miles back to the car, drive home and take a shower get ready for dinner.

The awkwardness ensues. I see a friend who had a gallery opening by the restaurant. I'm early so say hi. Wine is poured, nerves were loosened. I head to the restaurant, she wanted to meet out front but I'm still early so decide to get a seat by the front door, she'll see me. I'm waiting.... 20 minutes pass and I get a text. She's waiting just out of view of me, and was waiting for 20 minutes. Damn. I'm pretty obliterated by this point. Been up since two am, had a glass of wine, hiked a massive mountain but I have to be cool.

Everything I say is jumbled and awkward, she's very visibly uncomfortable. She asks what I'm doing with my life. I'm a mess coming from a previous relationship and being a hermit in the mountains for almost two years. That's what my life had been. This was it, the first girl I'd been attracted to in 6 months is properly afraid of me. I don't even take a bite of the dinner. Close the tab and leave. I'm brain dead and just a shitty person at this point. Every romantic notion is cut off.

I walk her to the bus station, she misses it by a few minutes so I offer to buy her a drink. We sit down, we both are loosened up a little more, she's more on my level now. She tells me all about the amazing things she's done, and it breaks me knowing that I've been such a piece of shite. No successes, passions or dreams to speak of. Even if there was romance here I didn't deserve her or anything like her. We parted ways and never talked again but that was one of the most kindling experiences of my life.

I'm no amazing person now but from that moment on I do everything I can to push myself to be the best. I've accomplished more in the last 6 years than I ever thought I would accomplish, and I my plans for the next 5 years blow me away right now.

It was an awful date, humiliating, and shamed me. Broke me down to the bare bones of my passions and sense of self.