This is something I've never really spoken about to anyone so please be kind. When I was in early high school I had began drinking very frequently with my friends. One night at my good friends house I had gotten extremely drunk and didn't remember much. It is still a blur to me, but from my understanding I had been hooking up with someone, I as a male and him as well, while he was asleep.. He awoke during and was in complete shock and I'm not sure how I reacted. The first thing I remembered was getting severely punched in the face and back until I was on the floor. He had stormed out of the room to go wake up our friends when I then hurried and grabbed my things and left. I hopped out a side window at around 6AM in the middle of January and ran. I started to become more clear of what had happened and was incomplete shock. All the way walking home I contemplated suicide. I was lucky that he hadn't had me arrested, at least for now I suppose. From that time on I had lost nearly all my friends, and had to walk among people in the school hallways that new my situation and judged me (as expected and deserved) for the horrible thing I had done. Thankfully I had a few good friends that were there, and are probably a large reason I am able to type this right now. Throughout the years I have been better at accepting what had happened, until recently a good friend of mine became very honest with me when telling me that all of my current friends and acquaintances think that I am in fact gay because of this (it has been half a decade). I am not for the record, and to this day not understand my actions from those years ago. The point of this is that because of that, I am constantly around people I love dearly that think so different of me. I am not against gays at all, but just hate that I am accused of something I am not because of something so awful. On top of this I am very self conscious of how I am so I do not date much, which only strengthens their thesis. So far, this is my biggest regret in life.