The human caterpillar story (copy and paste)

And here's where the expression "Party like it's 1999" comes in full force:

Here I am, in my flat party, in England, 1999, someone threw a cigarette in my beer glass, I accidentally drink it, and I feel like I may have to barf. Both toilets are taken.

I run from one floor down, outside the building, barf my ass off in the garden on the left, and when I come around I see the neighbor's window open. My neighbor who I know is at my party, and is living alone. And someone has opened his window and entered. I go near the window carefully and see some bloke with a travel bag picking off valuables, a Dreamcast, some electrical stuff...

I run back to my flat party and tell everyone there's a burglar at the next house. People call the police, but by then drunk mob rule mentality is taking over. People pick up broom handles, another bloke picks up some heavy duty duct tape and some giant ass trash bags.

They all run across to the burgled house next door.

The burglar sees them, panics and tries to leave through the same window, but a couple of drunks intercept him and fall on him. The rest arrive, the guy with the broom handle hits him once or twice but not seriously, I doubt he even bruised him, but the point is the burglar's busted. He's so terrified of this drunken mob he doesn't even try to escape, he just lies down on the grass petrified.

Then duct tape guy arrives. After some struggle we finally manage to tie his legs together, then his hands, then his arms, and in a fit of drunken stupor we get to fit the big ass trash bags around him and we wrap him up like a Christmas present, the only thing out of the pack of bags being his head. He looks like a huge ass cartoon caterpillar. Then we tie him up even more, with everything we got. Someone even brought scotch tape and wrapped it around him just for kicks. The dude, being pretty tall but thin and untrained as hell, is just sitting there, mumbling in shock to be let go and that he won't come back again.

We all start cheering up again when another guy has the fantastic notion to go to the all-nighter supermarket and buy a pack of rubber bands to wrap around caterburglar, and we wait for him for about ten minutes, starting to sober up.

The police are still nowhere in sight.

The guy who went to the supermarket returns not with rubber bands but with some pretty heavy rope.

Here is where I go up to my room to see if everything was all right, and when I return I see the rest of the party people having tied and raising the burglar upside down by his feet on a lamp post like a pinata.

We kept him hanging there for about twenty minutes before the police arrived. By the time they arrived we had turned the speakers towards the street and were partying around the human caterpillar. I think somebody offered the dude some beer, but he couldn't drink it upside down.

They asked us to turn the music down, which we did after a minute or two. There wasn't a problem with the noise because the neighbors were glad we caught a burglar and besides the street dancing and laughing we were quite peaceful. I remember one old neighbor opening her window to tell us to keep the noise down, but as soon as she saw what was going on outside and we explained who the human caterpillar was, she burst in a fit of laughter and went back inside.

I remember all the cops leaving with big ass smiles all over their faces, we all knew they were desperately trying to appear serious so we cut them some slack and provided them with all the info we could as soon as possible. Of course they politely refused our offers of beer, but since everyone was over 18 we didn't do anything to warrant anything other then harsh finger pointing, vigilantism is a dangerous and unlawful game etc. One drunk said "then it's good I didn't dress as Batman like I planned" and we just about all died on the spot.

They approached the burglar smiling at the spectacle, asked the guys to get him down from the lamp post, this huge Greek called Peter took him on his shoulder like you'd carry a rolled up carpet and carefully placed him inside the police car. They left with the guy still in caterburglar costume.

tl;dr caught a burglar and tied him like a caterpillar on a lamp post until the police arrived, partied all around him. May he turn into a beautiful jail butterfly.