TOP ANSWERS FROM THE LAST 6 TIMES THIS WAS ASKED:
What's the difference between three dicks and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke. /u/hadjiholdblue
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? gagging noises (by deleted)
Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 20% off /u/press-control-w
A guy is walking to the bar to get a drink with his buddies when he notices a girl by train tracks tied up. He runs to her, unties her and they have sex. When he gets to the bar his friends ask why he's late and he brags about all the sex he got when finally they asked him "did you get any head?" He shook his head and said "nah, I couldn't find it." /u/Nikolai_Blak
After many abusive relationships, a woman was coming to the end of her rope when she decided to put an ad in the paper as a last ditch effort at finding Mr. Right. After hours of interviewing candidates, the sun started to go down and she had pretty much lost all hope when she heard the doorbell ring. She opened the door and looked around and saw no one. She was going to close the door when she heard "Down here". She looked down and saw a man with no arms or legs. She explained that her previous relationships had been with men who were terrible in bed, beat her then left her. "Well, I have no arms, so I can't beat you, and I have no legs, so I can't leave you." So she asked him, "Are you good in bed?" to which he replied "How do you think I rang the doorbell?" /u/Satchmo84
Little Johnny wakes up one night hearing strange noises from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She immediately says, 'You better go tell Johnny everything is OK, the shit he just saw could scar him for life". Dad rolls his eyes and begrudgingly agrees. Pulls on his robe and heads for Johnny's room only to find it's empty. He then heads for the TV room but when he passes the guest room, he notices the door is ajar, noises coming from inside. He opens the door to look in and sees Granny on her hands and knees, little Johnny fucking her from behind. Dad screams. Johnny turns around looks at him and says "Yeah, not so funny when it's your mom huh?" /u/theallseeingeye