I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you might be suffering from depression, so I'm gonna base my response on that assumption. Even if i'm wrong please read what I'm saying and just think about it.

Nothing is going to be good enough and nothing outside of yourself is going to make you happy. The world is shit, people are shit, relationships are shit, everything is shit.

I use to think I would be happy when I had a job making "enough" money, but I wasn't, I thought having a girlfriend would be make me happy but it didn't. Sex more or less when I wanted it wasn't enough to make me happy. A partener did not cure my sorrow.

Now I'm gonna take an aside and just point out that I'm drunk, and particularly depressed today, so just keep that in mind when reading my post. Also, i might be projecting on you a lot, after giving this some thought I decided to post anyways because at worst I get a shit load of downvotes, at best maybe I can help someone that feels as lost as I do.

I've slowly come to the realization that most people are what I would call "fucked up" It's easy to get the notion that everyone around you has their shit together and is living this happy little life, but the truth is almost everyone has doubt, fears, and insecurities that haunt them. Maybe it gives you no solace, but for me knowing just about everyone has the same issues as me is kind of comforting. It's easy to think that everyone else has it all figured out, but we are all just pretending. I'm gonna repeat that, the way you might pretend to be "normal" and well adjusted.... we are all just pretending.

As a quick test, ask yourself how many people know how you are really feeling. I'm guessing it's very few or maybe none, the simple fact is that just about everyone else is just as miserable as you but they are also pretending. For me one of the "big wake up calls" was that just about everyone hated their life just like me. Now obviously someone else's suffering does not cancel out you own, even, and especially when someone likes to point out that "you don't have it as bad as X"

The fact that you posted this is a huge, HUGE step forward. You understand that something is wrong, and know you need to act on it unless you want to be a broken man like me. If you are under your parent's insurance then let them know you need a doctor's appointment, Legally the doctor can not say what it's about, but most people will figure it out based on the treatment that doctor provides, such as medication or therapist visits. Or maybe you don't have any insurance, hell I don't know, just get some help. We are all fucking lost, and if you want to find you self then you need to claw and scrape yourself out. No one has a magic cure, there is no easy anwser, I can tell you from experience that is hard, it's really fuck hard, making that first appointment might be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, but it's worth it. There is light at the end of this dark tunnel my friend, but if you stop moving you will never reach it.

Maybe I'm extrapolation to much from your post, but to me it seems like you have an overall feeling of being lost, and I've been there, Hell i'm there right now. My biggest and best advice is to not lose this feeling of trying to do better. Keep fighting, keep clawing your way out of that pit, don't fuking give up for a second.

If I had a quick means of suicide like a gun I would have killed my self a long time ago, Don't be like me, don't wallow in your sorrow, You can be so much more, you just have to fight for it, claw you way up, dig your self out of that hole.

most days i'm physically exhausted so much from my depression that even breathing is hard, several times throughout the day I have to stop and catch my breath from nothing more then existing.

I'm gonna close this rambling post by just saying that please, message me if you get to far in depression, not only have I been there but I'm there right now, Maybe I can't help you but I'll damn well try.... and in the end maybe that will help both of us.

Again, maybe i'm just "drunk rambling", projecting, or misinterpreting thing... But on the off chance that i'm right, please reach out to me or someone else, you are not as alone as you feel. Again, You are not alone, myself and several others are here for you, keep going one day at a time and try to do a little better today then yesterday.

Good luck, and I hope you have a good day.