What's the closest you've ever come to dying?

i shoved 6 grams of coke up me shitehole on the plane to ibiza in 2001 four days after september the 11th so you can imagine the sercurity, i was fukin brickin it. i was so paranoid that when we boarded the plane and just before take off i could feel the fuckin thing popping out. so i decided to go to the toilet and give it a finger back in place... what happened was i shoved it so deep back up their i could nt feel it anymore. this created more paranoia that id over dose or somein if the johny broke. so squeezed and i squeezed till the the bugger popped out again and put it in my pocket. after leaving the toilet a stewadess made an anouncement that a sniffer dog was coming on board to check for bombs........oh my shittin god!!!!!! i thought am really fucked now !!!

so i took the thing out of my pocket and threw it down the alse of the plane thinking some other cunnt can take this one....... after a few seconds of thought and realisation that if coke was found on the plane no one was going any where... i was not going to be soaking ii in up ibiz. so i raced down the asle quickly grabbed the coke and bombed it back to the fuckin toilet.....

What do i do i thought ?

fuck itttt!!! ill do the the lot right now in the toilet !!!!!!!!

so i did !!

i did 4 1 gram lines in about 2 miates, then the door started banging with a stewardess telling me to hurry back to my seat....panic , images cop dogs barking at me sniffing my ass hole, then imaginaning the copper asking me to quietly leave the plane..... not me mate am going manomissin tommorrow and fuck all youse stopping me, so i emptyed the rest of the coke into my mouth swilling it in my back and forth through my teeth

. by this point i nearly collapse in the toilet as the coke hit my brain from the 4 grams id just smashed up me nose...i was bolloxed..... i quickly dressed my self down an as best i could i kept a straight face as not to let my jaw slide from side to side. i not give the fact away i was absolutely off my face.. as i sat down i looked towards the toilet and saw a stewardess return back with i johny pinched between her fingers talking to her colleges....oh NO !!!! i am double fucked now!!!!!

i turned to me mate and told him id done all the gear up my ass in the toilet because i was so pranged...their was 15 lads on the trip....all of then in chorus started shout and repeated...

"dannys on a bender , dannys on a bender lalalala lalalalala"

i sank into my seat an hoped it would go away. lucky the dog did nt sniff a thing and the stewardess just wanted the cunting plane to take off as bad as i did.

as the plane was in cruise and the trolly food passed around the young girl turned to me and said " are you ok you look awfully pale" the lads just roared with laughter.

i reply "am just a bad flyer love....." nothing to do with being absolutely chinged off me face......


/r/AskReddit Thread