Oh man, I've got a doozy, but this will probably be buried. My two good friends showed up randomly at my front door with a bottle of brandy and asked if I wanted to hang out for a bit. I said sure and asked my wife if she wanted to join in, but she declined. "Alright," I said. "I'll just hang out with them for an hour and come back home." I actually made good on that promise, but not in the way I expected. I walked out the door, walked with them down the street, and next thing I knew I was back in bed at 11 o'clock in the morning. Upon regaining consciousness I immediately said "My arms hurt and I have to go to work." "You're not going into work today," my wife told me. "Look in the mirror." I got out of bed, looked in the mirror, and saw that I'm covered in cuts and that I'm missing half of my front tooth. "Oh my god," I said. Rewind to the night before. My two friends and I walked a block from my house and hung out while drinking brandy on the front porch of an abandoned home. After one of my friends started crying about his ex-girlfriend I said adios amigos, stood up and immediately felt wobbly. I leaned forward to walk in the direction of my house and proceeded to keep leaning forward until I was practically parallel to the pavement. Rather than fall like a normal person, I instead started running at full speed into the fall and crashed hard into the cement. For some reason, my friends wanted to keep walking with me and we ended up blocks away at a Home Depot parking lot. That's where I apparently tried to throw up into a trash can by sticking my head inside of it while running in circles. Somehow they lost track of me, but eventually they came across my body curled up in front of a dentist office. At the end of the hour my wife opened the front door to the house to find me being carried by a completely different friend of ours who was called in for a last-minute rescue mission. He sat me down in a chair in the middle of our room where I remained still for the next several hours. My wife tried to place an ice cube on my lip, but I said, "Stop, it's too bright." After actually making it to the dentist office I returned to work. I worked as an after-school teacher at the time and my fourth grade students immediately interrogated me. I told them I was in a fight with a bear, and if they thought I looked bad, then they should have seen the bear. I don't drink brandy anymore. TL;DR I drank some brandy and ended up with a broken tooth. Such is life.