There is this guy - lets call him Bob - who has been feelling really ill lately. Hair loss, weight loss, sickness - stuff like that. So, unusual for him, he goes to the doctor after being tested to hear the results. Doctor is a bit of an odd fellow with a raspy voice and weird hair. "Well Bob. I think I know what your illness is. You have HIV. A very special and unique form of HIV. HIV513! I'll write an article about this. I may get published in the British Journal of General Practice! It is very exciting! You'll die in 24 hours I'm afraid. I'll send you a rough draft off my article." Bob leaves - stunned and sad. He calls his mother. "Mom. I have HIV. A rare form too - HIV 513. I'll be dead tomorrow." "Well, sorry to hear that son. You want to join me at the bingo tonight. A final farewell?" "Wat. The. Fuck. I'll spend my last 24 hours playing bingo at the retirement home?" "Well. Your are all I have Bob. I have had a difficult life. You know how your father was. Always chasing skirt and all that. I had no choice but to spoil you. I know you are a momma's boy!" " ... Jaysus Fuck. Allright. I'll come. Jaysus."
So, Bob goes to play bingo with his mother and all the old people. He has the first bingo too. All horizontal numbers. Wins a plastic cup holder. He gets another bingo. A vertical one this time. He wins a hair brush. In fact - he gets bingo after bingo. Horizontal, vertical, diagonal, red numbers, blue numbers. Prize after prize he wins. "You don't mind if I take all of that home son? It's not like you will need all that." All the old people are upset. Some try to kill him with their eyes. Some old geezer snarls "Fuck off, you thief". So, the guy who calls the numbers notices Bob good fortune. Everytime he calls a number he looks at Bob with growing excitement. Suddenly - he stops. "Ladies and gentlemen. In all my years I've called out the numbers at the bingo, I have never encountered someone so lucky as this gentlemen. You sir are one lucky and handsome young man. Your girlfriend must be very proud of you!" "WHAT!? Lucky? Me? I've been miserable all my life. I've never held a job. Never kissed a girl or held a girls hand. Never been happy. I have no life. And I'm sick too! Sick with AIDS! Sick with HIV!! A very special and rare form - HIV 513. I am going to die tomorrow!!" Stunned - the man who calls the numbers is silent. Then, he starts excitingly shuffling his papers around. "Wait a minute. Wait a minute. HIV 513 ... HIV 513. Well, look at that! Those are the winning lottery numbers. You've just won the lottery too!