There is still some debate around it, but in my unfortunate experience, it is legitimate. This is one of the more difficult addictions for people to grasp, with many people focusing on the sex itself, rather than addressing it by contending with the emotional component which is causing the drive to self medicate.
I highly recommend this Ted talk on addiction:
and SAA meetings for anyone who thinks this may be an issue for them. If you go to meetings, please commit to at least 5. It’s very common for addicts to convince themselves that they’re different or that program is fine for everyone else. It can be life changing, if you let it.
Also, recovery isn’t the end of your sex life. It’s a beginning for learning how to address the root cause, and better understanding your relationship with sex.
I’ve now been in recovery for quite some time. My wife and I have a very active, very healthy sex life. Something we’ve learned is that I can’t be sexual if I’m in a state of emotional pain. If we’ve got unresolved tension from a fight or something else which is causing me to feel a sense of being emotionally isolated (this is key), then I need to address that first. As a result, we’ve developed a culture of openness and multiple times daily check ins. That probably sounds extreme, but it’s as simple as “how’s your heart?” from either of us to the other, followed by connective conversation. We’ll use language like, “what I’m struggling with is ___” or “I’m trying to sort out how I feel about __ (situation/incident)”. It has become incredibly easy and calm to create a dynamic of strong connection.
Through the above, I’m now in a very healthy, happy, monogamous relationship, with a very active sex life.