Shopping in a large department store, when I bump into a casual acquaintance, we give a nod of recognition and each say 'Alright?' then move on in opposite directions along the aisle.

Get to next aisle and he turns into the other end, we each give a nod and a chuckle accompanied with a fake eye roll and pass by again. Then I realise there are like thirty more aisles, I have no desire to get trapped in an unrehearsed chat with this guy and I don't have enough facial expressions to do something friendly but noncommittal another thirty times!

So I take the logical step of picking an aisle he probably won't need, hanging out in it for half an hour in the hopes he'll have left the store and I can shop in peace.

So there I am stood in feminine hygiene products, staring blankly at the shelves and daydreaming. Maybe five or ten minutes pass when somebody approaches me "Hello Sir, is everything OK, do you need any help?" You see, in my haste to hide I hadn't noticed a girl already in the aisle stacking shelves, and it turns out that when a guy stands staring at tampons for ten minutes the store assistants assume you're a) Mental or b) Have been sent to buy some and are baffled by the surprisingly large range.

I manage to mumble something about girlfriend sick, can't shop, needs things, don't know which, think packet is usually blue-ish maybe? About this size (gesture a rough box size)... And end up with two packs of unnecessary tampons for my non-existent girlfriend. Now I'm truly fucked, the girl is still in the aisle and has returned to shelf stacking, putting them back and running away after she helped me pick them is too weird! Hanging around the aisle to continue hiding now I have what I allegedly wanted is also too weird. Going about my shopping with two big ol' boxes of tampons is perfectly normal... Or at least should be, except the acquaintance is still lurking and probably knows I'm single so he's going to think I buy tampons for something weird like putting up my bum or whatever, consequently, again too weird.

So I do the only sensible thing, I peek out the end of the aisle, check the coast is clear, run to the check-outs and buy my tampons then go home.... I get back home and have literally none of the groceries I needed and had gone out for in the first place, but was now the proud owner of two boxes of tampons