The best story for my school became known as the poo story. I'm also from England. It was new years eve and everyone in my year went to this girls party. My mate was already coming back to mine but this other guy, let's call him... Kevin, was in bad shape so I let him come back to mine too. As soon as we got back Kevin went to loo. Me and my mate were playing CoD for about half an hour until we realised he was still in there. I banged on the door, nothing, no sound, so we thought he was asleep and just left him. After a while I decide to unlock the door with a 2p to see if he was alright. Now I need to mention Kevin is a big, fat guy. I only opened the door a crack and what I saw.. scarred me. I was shaking, my said, 'What did you see?!' He was asleep, sitting up right with his pants down and legs splayed. Haha grim but not too embarrassing. We left him there. Then 10 minutes later there was a fucking loud THUD. We banged on the door again. I was shouting, 'Kevin! There's a fire, wake the fuck up!', just to try and get a response but still nothing. I opened the door again and was hit by a wall of the worst smell ever smelt. I ran down stairs gagging. Kevin had fallen off the toilet forwards and landed face down, gigantic arse in the air with shit absolutely everywhere. We reckon he woke up, tried to stand, tripped on his trousers and knocked himself out on the sink. We had to help him, wake him up. The smell was too much for me so my mate went him and shook him. We turned the light off because he was basically naked. Pushing him on his side finally woke him up. I let him sleep in my room. I slept downstairs. The next morning Kevin and my mate were gone and what's super fucked up is he left his enormous, shit covered pants downstairs on the floor next to me! WTF. Never did get him to tell me why. Anyway, I say both your stories trump that.