Society told me that I wasn't a man - wasn't a person - if I wasn't constantly fucking. I see online feminists (and I am myself a feminist) complain that "nice guys" act like they "deserve" sex. But men told me that I had to work hard and earn sex - and if I couldn't, then I wasn't a real man. It was women who told me that I "deserved" it.

But I am a feminist, because if you take a lot of basic feminist ideas and rework them, they help you cope. Slut shaming? We get virgin shaming. The same way it's ok for women to enjoy sex and enjoy themselves - it's ok for you not to.

You are already a real man. You are fine, just the way you are. Don't let them shame you for something so small. Sex doesn't make you a real man. It's not a reward you constantly work for. You deserve to enjoy it, but not have it handed to you.

The shaming ruined sex for me. I hate it, deeply, and will never be able to enjoy it. Don't become that. You're fine. You're already a real man. It's not shameful to have sex the way you want to - it's not shameful not to.