I know it's stupid to vent like this, but I just broke up with my boyfriend who is so severely depressed that he sees it as a part of his identity and refuses to ever seek help for it, he bluntly told me the other week that if I saw any future at all for myself I shouldn't be with him because he has no future. he is 28, living in his mom's basement, unable to save even a penny for himself, his apathy fucks everything over, he feels like life is misery and life is horrible and he is not meant for this world. he is waiting to die. it has been this way for him for so long that he doesn't believe anything else is possible.

leaving him feels like leaving him to die. it is so painful. depression is such a debilitating, vicious disorder, and I hate it so much

I knew, even when I was with him, he loved me through this thick concrete wall of depression, every emotion is dampened, I don't know if he was ever once truly happy. he lives his life self-medicating with pot

I think the world stigmatizes people like that and sees them as pathetic, I am also mentally ill in a vastly different way, and I feel that stigma all the time. It makes it worse, the shame makes everything worse. he doesn't talk to his family, he doesn't talk to anybody.

I know he is so sick in a way that I don't think anyone will ever completely comprehend. it frightens me and makes me so sad. I wish I could help him. I tried to help him for three years. he tried to help me, too. but I don't know if you can ever truly help someone with mental illness, there has to be some huge shift from within that allows you to cope with it and seek treatment, and I don't think that day will ever come for him.

sometimes I think about all the people that will live and die with severe mental illness, isolated and hating themselves for it...I can't handle those thoughts, I wish I could save everyone from that horrible fate.