There's a club out there.. Whose members are made up of the fools, the brave, the nasty, the duped.. It's a club I like to call "The Crimson Captains." It's a joinable-by-act-only club. To be a member, one must have acquired their Red Wings.

Now for those who do not know what red wings are.. Well, when a woman's red River is flowin, and the sexy times start a-goin' and ya part the red Sea with your toungin', you've earned your red wings.

Now I can't exactly say I'm proud to be a member of the Crimson Caps'.. I didnt choose to join this exclusive club. I didn't wake up that morning and decide to myself, over my bowl of Cheerios, that later that night I'd be down for a parlay with Scarlet Johaira.

No.. It just happened.

I brought a fine lady to the casino one night, where I also had a very nice room booked for us. I did have naughty intentions with her, and I know she was reciprocal to those thoughts. We drank, we gambled, and flirted until we couldn't contain ourselves much longer.

Upon drunkenly navigating the casino and elevator, we came to our room for the night.. She immediately grabbed me and we started our excursions. No time to turn the lights on! The room only slightly illuminated by the moons light through the window.

I led to way in our sexy soiree, and she eagerly started pushing me down low. Ever the gentleman, I note, I was more than eager to oblige.

Now I wouldn't say I'm a connisuour of lady parts, but I do love eating me some pussy. And now perhaps on a more sober night, I would have noticed something was a little... Off, but having imbibed on my fair share of rum and cokes, I admit it took a few minutes to think to myself that something wasn't right about this lovebox I was now boxing at with my toungue.

I excused myself for a moment, and headed to the bathroom. With a flick of the lights and a glance at myself in the mirror, I thought bloody Mary herself had finally caught up to this young devil, after the many nights tempting her in a dark bathroom mirror during my youth.

It was everywhere. Infact I believe some even dripped from my chin during my moment of astonishment. My hands, the lower half of my face, even my chest! Scarlet red.

Now I did not puke. I did not get sick to my stomach. I did not become feint. I calmly washed myself off, leaving a pile - of what I'm sure the maid the next morning thought were murder evidence - red towels, and went back into the room.

I informed the lovely lass of the situation, to which she profusely apologized and, though I'm not sure I believed her, exclaimed she did not know her period had started.

And like a true man, and a now private of the Crimson Captains, my red wings attached to my name, I told her no harm, and went on to finish the deed.

Tl;dr: how I got my red wings.