What's the strangest thing you've ever been falsely accused of?

While I was in the USAF, living in the dorms (USAF calls Barracks dorms, and the 'chow hall' a 'dining facility' because we have to be fucking different) I had an unusual incident. Apparently, about six months ago, the Dorm Manager decided to replace everyone's mattress. Thing is, either I never got the memo, or they just skipped my room, because I still had an old one, and talking about mattresses just never really came up because I sure as shit was never informed that everyone got a new one, everyone but me. This ended up being OK for me, as the 'new' mattresses were a size between a queen and a full, and thus no sheets fit them, but whatever.

Anyway, when it came time for me to out-process the dorms, and I think my room is ready for inspection, the Dorm Manager takes one peek in my room and loses his fucking shit. You see, since I still had the "old" mattress, that meant the only possible explanation was that I took my brand new issued mattress, threw it in the fucking garbage, and then went to the god damned dump get an old one out, and then brought it back and put it in my room and slept on a mattress that had been in the fucking garbage for months. I first asked if he was serious, and he immediately threatened to call my supervisor. He then insisted that since he had a checklist saying they did every room, me going to the dump to drop my new mattress off and pick up a dumpster one was the only possible explanation.

It actually took a call to my First Sergent to clear the whole thing up, as my Dorm Manager was livid and repeatedly called me a dumpster diver, among other things, and wasn't budging. The first shirt told him he was insane and if he didn't out-process me asap he was going to come down there, and then i got my papers singed and that was that.

tl;dr I was accused at going to the dump to dispose of an issued and bran-spanking new mattress, and replacing it with one that I found at said dump.

/r/AskReddit Thread